I loved… no! Love you so much

My Mother passed away this afternoon.  Despite knowing this day was coming I’m still kinda numb.  I really thought she’d be able to hold her newest grand-daughter before she passed.  Now our daughter will never know her Noni.  Cancer sucks more than anything else in the entire world.

For all of recollection my mother raised her four kids plus the occasional guest kid and did a damn fine job of it.  It is only now that I’m older that I understand all the sacrifice and love she gave to us, selflessly, because our happiness and futures were more important to her than her own.  I can only hope I’ll be as good a father as she was a mother to me, Dave, Sue and Nancy.

Christmas Eve just wont be the same this year without making boulibase for my mother to go along with steamed lobsters to have the feast of the 7 fishes.  Thanksgiving won’t be the same even with waaay too much pasta before the Turkey comes out  without her there.

Yes, I’m talking about food…  My mother loved to talk about food, see people make food…  Janine and I would come back from a wedding and she wouldn’t want to see pictures of us all dolled up, she’d want to know what food was served so she could sort of eat yummy food vicariously .  It made her very happy, must be the Italian in her blood…

My mother also liked go play cards or go to a casino.  Many happy memories were made either taking my Mom and My Aunt Louise, god rest her soul, down to foxwoods, or sitting around the dining room table with my Mom and maybe Louise, Sal, Donna, Judy, Aunt Mille, Uncle Louie, or eventually Janine and playing some crazy hi-low poker game until the coffee and snacks ran out.

I am pretty sure my Mom and Aunt are in the big casino in the sky right now, cashing in their comps to go eat in the great steak house before hitting the blinking lights and ringing bells…

I will miss you and love you for ever.

 

 

 

I was scared and fearing for my life…

So last sunday (the 17th) every time I stood up from sitting down, my head SWAM for a few seconds and then I was fine.  They weren’t a big deal but briefly disconcerting and I figured my allergies were playing with me.

They weren’t going away and last monday I called for a doctor’s appointment which I got early for tuesday.  I went to see a doctor who was covering for my primary and they took my blood pressue…  sitting, right after standing, lying down, everything but while jogging..  My blood pressue was fine and changes of position didn’t change my readings so my doctor thought I might have been dehydrated from the heat so he sent me for blood tests and had me drink lots of water.

Thursday, I wasn’t any better and driving to work I had a dizzy spell bad enough (but still quick) that made me question my ability to drive and I turned around and went home and called for another appointment.

That afternoon I saw the covering doctor again, they did an EKG, found nothing, and ordered more blood tests and a CT scan and prescribed MECLIZINE for my dizzy spells which is essentially really strong dramamine. 

CT SCAN…  Scary words to hear, almost as scary as BIOPSY…

Anthem of CA (my health insurance) wants to know EVERYTHING before they’ll cover a CT scan and after my coverage it was still going to be 300 dollars after a 250 deductable and 90% coverage, I needed to get it as I didn’t want to be paying 3 grand…

I got the approval Monday afternoon but it was too late to come in so I had my CT scan on tuesday (and more blood tests because they found my fatty liver again and wanted to make sure I didn’t have HEPA, B, C or anything)

The CT scan was actually 2 CT scans… NASAL and Head.  The CT scan on my head came back negative, which is awesome and banished all the nightmare scenarios from my neurosis.  The CT scan on my sinuses revealed a slight thickening of my left (something I can’t pronounce or remember) Nasal cavity.  They said that means infection and I’m going on Antiboitics for it.

But I don’t have tumors or cancer or anything scary.

Oh and this is my first post from my wordpress blog (justal313) because LiveJournal sucks and as soon as I can figure out how to get my syndicated feeds elsewhere I’ll be keeping away from it for ever, if I could get it to load. 🙂

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